The View from Down There

There is simply nothing better than an early morning walk:

It’s a chance for us to catch up, to stretch our legs, and talk.

If it’s windy, that’s ok: and if it rains, there’s always towels,

It’s as good a time as any to evacuate my bowels.

This happens three times every day, the Hooman with her coat,

And Noot and I have harnesses and leads, strictly by rote

We walk in every type of mood, for happier, for sadder,

And know the sweet relief as I wring out my failing bladder.

If that seems antisocial, ‘gainst Environmental Health,

Be reassured that I’m a dog, and do these things by stealth,

We wander up and down the road, through park, with tails that wag

And Hooman picks it up and puts it in a plastic bag.

We always walk in threes, myself, and Noot, and Hooman too,

Sometimes we walk so far we hear our friends in Blackpool Zoo,

At other times we stroll around the Shrine Church’s lush grounds

Lamenting that the church is closed, and really out of bounds.

There comes a point in every day (especially when it rains)

That Noot puts up a protest due to various aches and pains,

She is a grand old lady now, like Rita, Vera, Janet,

She prefers the sofa as her base from which to rule the planet.

Sometimes the other hooman lets me out the kitchen door,

Which is fine, for round the garden is where seagulls swoop and soar,

But then I bark at Susie’s dog, divided by a fence,

And hooman II recalls me when the mood gets rather tense.

The Bedtime stretch – that is my favourite time of day by far,

I will sit out on the terrace, with the back door left ajar,

I will sniff the sniffs, and hear the sounds of nightlife out the back

Until Hooman II starts yelling that it’s time to hit the sack

My back legs are now done for – they’re good for standing up

And they go to sleep – it’s not at all like when I was a pup,

To climb the stairs at night is the most challenging of climbs,

And like Hooman II, I limp (can’t think of anything that rhymes)

My favourite thing is sitting on the sofa with my friends

I’ve a tail that fans the whole house and a loud bark that defends,

Nobody can get near us – I will keep us safe and sound

From the Amazon Delivery guy, and roofers by the pound.

All I really know is how to love, defend folk and protect

And anything that threatens my dear family to reject

My family is safe – that’s all that matters most to me,

And walks, and treats, and belly rubs from my dear family.

Dictated by Fitz, the Welsh Sheepdog.