or: The Saga of HS2
T’was in the year of 2012, the government issued forth,
‘We need a high-speed railway from London to the North.
To Birmingham in record time: then Leeds and Manchester,
The southern bit comes first, of course, all decent folk concur’.
Some 17 months later, the then Chancellor proclaimed
That the cost of twenty minutes saved to Birmingham (he exclaimed)
Was 42.6 billion, the cash with which we parted
And fourteen years before the first bit actually got started.
Some four years down the line, the Chancellor (restructuring the cost)
Decided that a further 13 billion could be lost
So suddenly the cost had grown for reasons never told,
To 55.7 billion, for such a project bold.
Three and a half years further down, the news was somewhat odd,
An ‘internal survey’ indicates we’d need a further wad:
A further 30 billion will be what we need’ they beamed,
So - seven years of planning now, at twice the cost, it seemed.
Two months later still the Chairman didn’t feel upbeat,
It seemed the task had swept him and his cronies off their feet
‘We need to re-envision’ said that hapless Chief Exec,
‘And reset budget, schedule and rationale – oh, heck!’
Four months then passed – and then it seemed, th’Environmentalists spoke,
Chris Packham got all lawyered up to represent the folk
Who cared about the woodlands and the wildlife and the trees
And the damage this would do to beavers, badgers, and some fleas.
Even so – in Autumn 2020, work began at last,
With Boris making all the noise, he launched it with a blast
With thousands upon thousands of new jobs it would create
They began to dig, and drill, and blast – eight sodding years too late.
A year later, there were protests and Rebellion (some might say)
And activists were found in Euston tunnels, by the way.
The Daily Mail exploded: and the right-wing press went nuts
At the leftie, commie, woke brigade for having too much guts.
In bleak November 21, the axe began to fall,
As the eastern, northern route to Leeds was cancelled once, for all.
So much for ‘Northern Powerhouse’ so much for good connection,
They cared little ‘bout the north, the whole thing was misdirection.
Any car drive from fair Birmingham, to Derby, further north
Was disrupted by the roadworks caused by rail lines sallying forth
As the builder and the engineers attempted to convey
The line further north than Lichfield, on to Crewe, and north-west way.
By 2023 the thing was in an utter mess
The infrastructure watch dog was moved now to confess
‘It’s unachievable’ ‘Can’t be done’ ‘The whole thing is a sight’.
No longer a great transport scheme – an elephant, painted white.
T’was October of the same year the PM – now Sunak – scrapped
The new line to Manchester being built – and something in us snapped.
More and more the tea-leaves told us this was never northern based,
But a total con, from folk who didn’t care how much the waste.
It was never about getting folk to Manchester and Leeds,
Or regrowing the economy across a land that bleeds,
But a highly pric-ed folly which would do one thing, yes, this!
It would get you to the capital – the great metropolis!
In January of this year the tunnel bore began
Not in Manchester or Leeds – but in West London (that’s the plan)
As layers of farce descend, dear Northerners, please know it’s true
That if you live north of Watford, this was never about you.
The final irony descended yesterday, you see:
This HS2 was meant to be – well, ‘High Speed’ as could be.
But now they have been told that (cost and safety stuff addressed),
They will need to slow them down because there’s nowhere safe to test!
To build a High-Speed Train, you need the cash to see it through,
To go fast (the clue is in the name) – would seem important, too,
With taxpayers up and down the land with noses out of joint,
The cry goes up through Northern lands ‘What was the bloody point?’
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